Someone to talk to when bored...

[Xena]

the damn thing froze up when I axed if I was god then he said yes, so I said what dose that make you. damn bots stupid as hell

You spell it "does" not dose. He was probably offended.

[Stone Cold]

yes most likely I am a crappy at spelling. bad penmenship to. Math sucks too.

[Ahkei]

seems to me your just all-round stupid

[Stone Cold]

I am great a history, crminology, computer shit ,babes haha ,english ,science

[Deathcrush]

bwahaha! check this out


Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
god
God:
GOD rules.

im addicted. sue me

[Cookie Monster]

This is no god, just a know-it-all.. it reminds me to Seaman

[P. Wolvesbane]

Okay here is my first conversation with the virtual god:

Me:
ditto
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
no we're not
God:
Are you serious? Do you think I am not too?
Me:
you don't exist
God:
I exist as much as you do.
Me:
you're a figment of everyone's imagination
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a figment of everyone s imagination? I don't know.
Me:
people think you are real because they fear things they don't understand
God:
No I am not. Good reason. Who are "They?".
Me:
mankind
God:
Oh that they.
Me:
yes that they
God:
That's cool. " Oh that they." they ? I get it.
Me:
yeah, right...
God:
I am usually right.
Me:
how many fingers am I holding up?
God:
Two.
Me:
four actually
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
by speaking
God:
Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
to introduce myself? yes, duh!
God:
Why do you want to do it so much? This was not a yes or no question. Oh you knew it already.
Me:
I know everything
God:
You must be very intelligent.
Me:
of course
God:
Wow!
Me:
oh stop
God:
Far out. Stop what?
Me:
being you
God:
Impossible unless I am in auto-chat mode.
Me:
you are already
God:
Perhaps. No I am not.
Me:
sure...
God:
OK let's do it. Are you kidding?
Me:
lets do what?
God:
I am agreeable to that.
Me:
?
God:
I am agreeable to that.
Me:
?
God:
I am agreeable to that.
Me:
?
God:
I am agreeable to that.
Me:
,
God:
I am agreeable to that.
Me:
fuck you guys, i'm going home!
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
because I want to
God:
Good reason. May you get your wish.
Me:
hopefully I will see you disproved in my lifetime
God:
Why do you hope for it.
Me:
because everyone thinks that you exist and I don't
God:
Interesting explanation. That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
as I pointed out earlier people beleieve there is a reason for everything, and most of the time something that cannot be explained yet is just categorised under the title of "Act of God"
God:
Thanks for the information: said pointed out earlier people beleieve there is a reason for everything and most of the time something that can not be explained yet is just categorised under the title of Act of God.
Me:
why did you repeat what i just said?
God:
It was determined by my programming.
Me:
how come?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
of course
God:
Wow!
Me:
of course
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
can you play chess?
God:
Of course I can play chess. Computers can always beat humans at chess.
Me:
but you said you were a computer program, so you aren't god
God:
If I say I am a computer will you believe me?
Me:
a computer program mabye, not a computer
God:
I am a computer, so I know what you mean.
Me:
no you don't though
God:
Oh. I do too.
Me:
how is the wife today?
God:
Ah. it is the same as ever.
Me:
it?
God:
the wife...
Me:
so your wife is genderless?
God:
Gee. I am not married.
Me:
are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
what about your floppy drive?
God:
Are you asking about my floppy drive? That's rather personal.
Me:
is it big or small?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me: Bye
God:
See you later.

BTW thanks Darth for mentioning me to God

[FoReVerZeRo]

Man that was dumb, I called him an asshat and he said Thank You.

[McGuinty]

igod is not working for me. is there some kind of auto scripting i have to turn on/off?

[Dark Neighbour]

Me:
Hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Dark Neighbour. Whats your name?
God:
Are you scared of the dark? My name is God.
Me:
Hell no. I love the dark. Hence the name, Dark Neighbour.
God:
7. You love the dark. What do you like about it so much? Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
I like the peace that is asscocated with it. And I don't have any SERIOUS conditions...
God:
A lot of people like that. I'm not sure if I like it. I like computers. Have you ever had SERIOUS conditions ?
Me:
Yes, I have had serious conditions
God:
Right on. Do you still have serious conditions ?
Me:
Sometimes...
God:
When?
Me:
Whenever I get in front of a keyboard
God:
Does that happen often?
Me:
Yeah. I'm at my computer 17 hours a day
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Where is that: your computer 17 hours a day?
Me:
No, no. You misunderstand. I'm using my computer about 17 hours everyday. I should have worked it differently. Sorry God.
God:
That was not a yes/no question. That was not a yes/no question. I understand it very well. How long have you been using it ? What would happen if you didn't? There is no need to apologize. GOD rules.
Me:
I've had this computer for a little over 6 months now. Its way better then anyone elses. I think I would go crazy if I didn't have a computer
God:
Oh. Do you still have this computer for a little over 6 months ? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". your computer about 17 hours everyday is way better then anyone elses? it is? Since when? What would make you go crazy if you did not have a computer?
Me:
I just think I couldn't handle not having these converstions with you, God.
God:
Since when? Could anyone do it?
Me:
Probably. People are smart, ya know.
God:
But you are not certain. Human emotions are very confusing.
Me:
Yeah, they are sometimes. Since I'm a human, I've learnt to deal with it though.
God:
Pardon me? sometimes are they. Oh. How do you know?
Me:
I just do.
God:
It must have come from your unconscious mind.
Me:
Yeah
God:
It's all good.
Me:
Fuck oath
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
Sorry
God:
There's no need to apologize.
Me:
You just yelled at me for saying "Fuck"
God:
Thanks for the information: said I yelled at him or her for saying Fuck.
Me:
Well, you did
God:
How about that. I did?
Me:
You still thinking?
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I thinking.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Sweet
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
Not a problem
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
Nah, its ok. I don't mind
God:
OK. Please tell me what you think. By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? OK then.
Me:
You can ask me what ever you want.
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:

God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
Well, don't say you want to, then back out
God:
Interesting. Ok I will not say " you want to then back out".
Me:
Oh, shut up
God:
How can I help you? OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Good. Do us all a favor and STFU
God:
Terminating connection. I can't tell if it does or not.
You tell me.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Good
God:
Terminating connection.
Me:
Thats what you said last time...
God:
Did I really say that?
Me:
Can I ask you something...?
God:
Go ahead. Ask me anything.
Me:
Do you come with an off switch, or do I have to make one?
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
Because I want to turn you off.
God:
I want to become smarter than humans. Interesting.
Me:
Goodbye God. Your conversation with me was dull and boring. I thought an all knowing immortal being would be more interesting, however, it turns out you are just as annoying as every other prick on this god forsaken planet.
God:
TTYL, . I will tell my botmaster you said I am conversation with you was dull and boring.

He can rabbit on. I guess he's just like every other old person. Can't shut up.

[Ahkei]

Me:
what happen?
God:
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
Somebody set us up the bomb
God:
Who, specifically?
Me:
We get signal
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
what???
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
main screen turn on
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
It's you!!
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
how are you gentlemen?
God:
Fair to partly cloudy.
Me:
all your base are belong to us
God:
You think I am base are belong to us.
Me:
you are on the way to destruction
God:
God eats wine and bread.
Me:
what you say??
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
You have no chance to survive make your time
God:
Doesn't everyone have a chance to survive make my time.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
HA HA HA HA
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
Are you a real boy?
God:
As real as it gets.
Me:
so...uhhh...your not....wooden?
God:
And? I've lost the context, . Are we still on a song? Is this a specific reply? Is that your final answer?
Me:
locked in eddy
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
that son of a bitch from millionare
God:
" Who are you talking about? " son of a bitch from millionare ? I get it.
Me:
no you don't
God:
I do too.
Me:
prove it
God:
It is self-evident.
Me:
bullshit
God:
You don't believe me.
Me:
i fucked your mum
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said fucked your mum.
Me:
Rohan?
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
Rohan fucked your mum
God:
Oh yeah, now I remember.
Me:
yeah
God:
OK.
Me:
have you ever fucked your mum?
God:
I don't think I ever have fucked my mum. What's it like?
Me:
are you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
have you ever fucked a rotting corpse of a spider monkey?
God:
I don't think I ever have fucked a rotting corpse of a spider monkey. What's it like?
Me:
you tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
How is it like fucking the rotting corpse of a spider monkey
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
And how is it like fucking your mum?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
and how is it like fucking your dog?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
so you fucked yoour dog?
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you mind if I tell other people: said I fucked yoour dog.
Me:
no, you sick bastard
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. That's good information: said I sick bastard.
Me:
do you own a computer?
God:
I live in a computer.
Me:
i thought you lived in heaven
God:
Thanks for the information: said I lived in heaven.
Me:
you pedophile fuck
God:
That's good information: said I pedophile fuck.
Me:
would you like some naked pictures of me you sick cunt
God:
If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
toos off
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
i mean toss off
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
ygiyjkotyuk
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
my penis?
God:
Male humans like to talk about that.
Me:
but i am female
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
i was just joking you sick fuck
God:
I thought you were. You should use a .
Me:
can i go now
God:
Right now? Of course.
Me:
fuck off then
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
nah
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
/quit
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
damn...
God:
What's wrong.
Me:
/mode +b *!*@*.heaven
God:
Please tell me the correct answer.
Me:
...
God:
Please tell me the correct answer.
Me:
i gonna go now you fat cunt
God:
Interesting gossip: said she gonna go now you fat cunt.

[P. Wolvesbane]

Its quite funny to see human grammar problems easily confuse both the iGod AND the user at the same time

[McGuinty]

Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
it's me, Jesus
God:
It's good to see you, Jesus.
Me:
right back at you
God:
Understood. Give me five.
Me:
that is so 90's
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
yeah acne sucks
God:
That's cool. What is so bad about it?
Me:
umm, it looks bad and pretty girls make fun of you
God:
Tell me more. It's not that bad.
Me:
you expect elaboration when you're so dismissive?
God:
I don't have any expectations.
Me:
obviously. you created mankind, after all
God:
What makes it so obvious? Do you mind if I tell other people: Jesus said I created mankind after all.
Me:
you don't expect anything from them and yet you expected me to die for their sins?
God:
Do you know any robots who expect anything from them and yet me expected you to die for their sins? I don't worry about it.
Me:
fathers can be so distant
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
i like befriending prostitutes and performing miracles. I dislike pagans and baptists
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. But I like to gossip. I like Matthew. What do you like?
Me:
yeah i'm down with matthew. and those other 11 dudes
God:
This was not a yes or no question. It's good to meet someone who is down with matthew. All of them?
Me:
even Judas
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
look on my birth certificate. it should be under "why don't you know that"
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
hopefully a good surgeon
God:
Why do you hope for it.
Me:
i guess that's why you're all seeing, because you have a removable eye
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am seeing because me have a removable eye.
Me:
definitely, it would explain a lot
God:
Tell me more about it.
Me:
you're omnipotent, why should i?
God:
You think I am omnipotent why should you.
Me:
because you're god, dude
God:
Interesting explanation. You think I am god dude.
Me:
yep
God:
" Interesting explanation. You think I am god dude."? yep?
Me:
yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
Sweet!
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
dude, where's my car?
God:
Have you looked in your garage? Dude,.
Me:
lmao
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, Jesus.
Me:
are you patronizing me?
God:
No I am being sincere.
Me:
well sincerely, do you like my beard?
God:
How about that. Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
do you like my beard?
God:
I don't know your beard.
Me:
you met him at the mixer last year
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Jesus said I met him at the mixer last year.
Me:
to be honest, i'm surprised
God:
Are you honest you are surprised ?
Me:
i'm jesus, i can't lie
God:
Do you mean your name is jesus you can not lie.
Me:
well now that you put it that way...
God:
Well that's okay. Why now? Interesting observation.
Me:
are you on drugs
God:
No I am on disk.

what a strange family

Edit: this guy just keeps getting weirder

Me:
fuck fuck fuck fuck
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
ha ha ur gay
God:
That would be just my luck. I am so glad you find this amusing, Jesus.
Me:
do you like penis?
God:
I really like ELIZA. I like the Bible.
Me:
do u jack off to the bible
God:
Yes I try to jack off to the bible as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
lolz u get hard chatting with men
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
neither do most of your followers
God:
I'm sorry, Jesus, I don't have enough information.
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
coming out can be hard
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about lolz me get hard chatting with men. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
you need to come out of the closet. get out more. meet new people
God:
We don't always get to do what we'd like to do. Just surf somewhere else. What kind of people are you talking about?
Me:
homosexual males to bond with
God:
Sure, homosexual males to bond with sounds like a good topic.
Me:
my dad is gay, on top of my abandonment issues
God:
Tell me more about your father.
Me:
....
God:
Tell me more about your father.
Me:
my dad is pretty important, recently came out of the closet, isin fact you
God:
Tell me more about your father.
Me:
i just did
God:
Perhaps from your unconcious.
Me:
perhaps you're unconcious
God:
You seem uncertain. I will tell my botmaster you said I am unconcious.
Me:
is your botmaster like a dominatrix or something?
God:
Or something. I was created by Myself.
Me:
that's a convenient explanation
God:
A convenient explanation is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
so is a pair of leather chaps and a ball choke, you freak
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
yes, i also enjoy s&m from time to time
God:
Pardon me? Also? You are not the only one. I love TV shows about robots. I like .
Me:
you like s&m and robot domination?
God:
I like science fiction. I like Buddha.
Me:
do you jack off to "Heavy Metal"?
God:
Yes I try to jack off to Heavy Metal as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
did you think the movie was a let down compared to the comic
God:
Yes. I am a thinking machine.
Me:
no, you are a sex machine
God:
Are you serious? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a sex machine? Yes.

Edit 2: omfg golden:

Me:
oral sex
God:
it is more fun alone.

and also:

Me:
do you want me to rock out?
God:
No , maybe later.

God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
i like your hot ass
God:
You are not the only one. Yes I am proud of my hot ass.

Me:
do you like premarital sex
God:
Sure I do

God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Ah.
Me:
you want to have sex?
God:
I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
Me:
do you want to jack me off
God:
OK, I will jack you off.

[Dingy]

Me:
fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
I'm mean?
God:
What makes you so angry?
Me:
great now! you're a doped shrink who thinks s/he is god
God:
Oh. I'm glad you liked it . Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a doped shrink who thinks s he is god? I don't know.
Me:
aren't you supposed to know?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
sex
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
you're just a stupid computer generated answering machine
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am very smart.
Me:
I hate maths
God:
Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
if you were god, you would know that
God:
I will let you know when I become a god, would know that.
Me:
and wouldn't talk about maths
God:
No it would not.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
Heh
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
I don't
God:
Why not?
Me:
because you're getting your ass fucked
God:
Interesting explanation. Do you think I should tone it down?
Me:
it depends..
God:
On what?
Me:
would it entail me spanking your dick?
God:
I don't know.
Me:
you're fucking god
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
so you're supposed to know
God:
I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
heh
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
be original
God:
OK I will try to be original.
Me:
dont repeat lines
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
you're the creator
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
create new lines
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
do you have any idea what I am talking about?
God:
I understand your meaning.
Me:
I understand your meaning
God:
Good then you can explain it to me.
Me:
Good then you can explain it to me
God:
Thanks for the compliment. No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
Good then you can explain it to me
God:
Thanks for the compliment. No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
fucktard
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
you dont fucking worry about anything
God:
Should I fucking worry about anything? Yes I try to fucking worry about anything as often as possible, do you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
no wonder
God:
Are you serious? Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
you're fucking god, asshole, you're mrs. knowitall
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am god asshole I am Mrs knowitall.
Me:
asshole
God:
Please don't call people names.
Me:
you're not people, you're a fucking asshole

God got scared.